I’m not sure exactly when I became a prude.<\/p>\n
Not when I was a head-banging seventeen-year-old AC\/DC fan,
\nthat’s for sure. Not when I wrote an opinion piece for the
\nSan Francisco Examiner<\/i> a few years ago blistering Dan
\nQuayle’s elitist, sexist, homophobic vision of “family values”
\n(give me a break, Mr. Potatoe-head).<\/p>\n
Not even when attention-starved Alanis Morissette — my personal
\npick for “Most Overrated Artist of the ’90s” — stirred things up
\nby talking dirty about her ex’s sex life did I rise to object.<\/p>\n
The reason is simple: AC\/DC and Alanis — not to mention
\nClueless Dan — don’t market themselves to nine-year-olds.<\/p>\n
I had actually decided not to review this album — frankly,
\nthere isn’t much here to review — and I do apologize to readers
\nwho rightfully expect more discussion of the music than I’m going
\nto offer. But just when I’d decided to take a pass, Third Eye Blind
\nsinger\/lyricist\/bandleader Stephan Jenkins suddenly caught my
\nattention by wrangling himself a couple of smarmy little
\nself-promos during ABC’s “T.G.I.F.” Friday night block.<\/p>\n
For the uninitiated, T.G.I.F. is the last remaining holdout of
\nquote-unquote family programming left on network TV. It offers four
\nsomewhat sugary, family-centered sitcoms that are, if nothing more,
\na safe haven for my kids, ages seven, nine and eleven. Unlike other
\ntotally-inappropriate-for-8:00 shows such as
\nFriends<\/i> or
\nDawson’s Creek<\/i> (both of which I enjoy), you can at least
\ncount on the Olsen twins not to crack one-liners about oral sex or
\ncall each other “bitch.”<\/p>\n
Meanwhile, Jenkins is the leader of a band that’s made its name
\non a catchy little single about getting a blowjob while strung out
\non meth.<\/p>\n
Musically, “Semi-Charmed Life” is a better-than-average piece of
\nalt-pop songcraft. The guitars ring and hammer around a sweet
\ncentral riff, and Jenkins and his not untalented band frame the
\nchoruses with an instantly memorable “doot-doot-doot,
\ndoot-doo-doot-doo” chant. Meanwhile, Jenkins’ nasal, hyperactive
\nvocal delivery obscures much of the verses.<\/p>\n
It’s an approach that’s bound to draw in a younger set of
\nlisteners like my 11-year-old, who thought the song was cool enough
\nto pick out the album when he went shopping last month with
\nGrandma. Then, back at home, his mom and I started reading the
\nlyric sheet and gave each other the patented parental “uh-oh”
\nlook.<\/p>\n
“She comes around and she goes down on me”? “Chop another line”?
\n“Doing crystal meth will lift you up until you break”? “I feel like
\nI could die and that would be alright”? Thanks for sharing, but I
\ndon’t think so.<\/p>\n
At that point I wasn’t really mad, just disappointed. We’re the
\nones who gave the green light for our son to buy it without
\nchecking the lyrics first, and anybody who cares to has every right
\nto write poppy songs aimed at an adult audience, though I think
\nthey have an obligation to go about it responsibly. So I took
\ncustody of the CD (“Hey, maybe I can still review this…”) and we
\nwent back and bought our son something more appropriate.<\/p>\n
That was the end of the story until Jenkins showed up, looking
\noh-so-cool with his rock-star hair and a studio mixing board behind
\nhim, to associate himself with the last block of prime-time
\nprogramming on network TV aimed specifically at the
\ntwelve-and-under set — at which point I completely lost it. (And
\nno, I don’t blame ABC or corporate parent Disney; they probably got
\nsuckered by the poppy-sounding music just like I did.)<\/p>\n
Stephan Jenkins, you go ahead and write your derivative,
\nmonumentally self-absorbed alt-rock odes to slacking (“Losing a
\nWhole Year”), alcoholism (“God of Whine,” I mean “Wine”), and
\n“Narcolepsy” (oooo, a big word in a song title, I’m so NOT
\nimpressed). Go ahead and try to dress up your second-rate
\nMatchbox20 guitar hooks by aping Led Zep\/Aerosmith slow-build song
\nstructures. Prove how with-it you are by writing a song referencing
\nthe embarrassingly hip “Burning Man” festival, a lame excuse to
\nkill a few brain cells if ever I heard one.<\/p>\n
Just don’t EVER come peddling your smug, totally irresponsible,
\n“sex and drugs and slacking and suicide are so
\nfascinating<\/i>, aren’t they, kiddies?” attitude on my
\nnine-year-old’s favorite show again. By doing promos on T.G.I.F.,
\nyou have declared yourself the Joe Camel of alt-rock sleaze — a
\ntitle that makes being labeled a prude sound like a compliment.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12,"featured_media":24953,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"tags":[],"artist":[6067],"rating":[11203],"class_list":["post-36158","review","type-review","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","artist-third-eye-blind","rating-rating-d-minus"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailyvault.adishjain.in\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/review\/36158","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailyvault.adishjain.in\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/review"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailyvault.adishjain.in\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/review"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailyvault.adishjain.in\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/12"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailyvault.adishjain.in\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=36158"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/dailyvault.adishjain.in\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/review\/36158\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailyvault.adishjain.in\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/24953"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailyvault.adishjain.in\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=36158"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailyvault.adishjain.in\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=36158"},{"taxonomy":"artist","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailyvault.adishjain.in\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/artist?post=36158"},{"taxonomy":"rating","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailyvault.adishjain.in\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/rating?post=36158"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}