“Sunday was always Pancake Day in our family, because that was
\nthe day we’d all drive up to Pancake Mountain, and then maybe on
\nthe way home, stop and get some pizza. We’d always sing the same
\nsong, too, on the way home. It went like this: ‘There’s nothing
\nflatter than a pizza, nothing you can make. The only thing that
\nmight be flatter is a fish they call the hake!'”<\/p>\n
Reading this random, irrelevant quote from my favorite
\nabsent-mind on the planet, Jack Handey, I immediately was reminded
\nof Tim Keyes’ new CD
\nSketchbook<\/i>. The quote is like the CD in that it made me
\nlaugh in puzzlement, wondering, “Who in the world would think of
\nsomething like this?” To answer that question pertaining to the
\nquote, I responded quite emphatically, “A genius, that’s who! God
\nbless this man!!” However, when I pondered this same query after
\nlistening to
\nSketchbook<\/i>, I answered in yet more puzzlement, “Uhhh, I
\nguess Tim Keyes would.”<\/p>\n
The first song on this album (besides the intro-a bunch of
\npeople talking) is called “Higher Ground.” It is four minutes,
\nseventeen seconds of straight out empowering, inspirational garbage
\nthat actually makes me feel considerably under-zealous. I guess
\nmaybe it’s the drum machine, “rocking” electric guitar and
\nkeyboard-organ undertones that drag this thing all the way “under
\nground.” Moving on to number three, “Gain The World,” starts off
\nunpleasantly with a sound that is reminiscent of tin cans shaking
\naround, and I swear a guitar riff they sampled from my old Casio
\nkeyboard. Also, “you are a seed that won’t grow, the doomed that
\ndon’t know\/you are a hand caught in a grinding wheel turning very,
\nvery slow.”<\/p>\n
Man, I don’t know. I just really don’t.<\/p>\n
Oh yeah, “if I could paint the rain the color of my
\ndisappointment, I would paint you.” Yeah, in a way it makes sense,
\nbut I guess you’d have to hear this song (number four, “(If I
\nCould) Paint The Rain”), to understand my frustration. Towards the
\nend, the tempo slows down, and the bells-and-chimes beat changes
\nto, like, African drums and a rainstorm.<\/p>\n
The thing that makes this CD the most unbearable is the sound of
\nold Timmy’s voice. It actually sounds a lot like Bruce
\nSpringsteen’s, but Tim probably wanted to distinguish his pipes
\nfrom The Boss’ by taking classes in “How To Make Your Voice Like A
\nCreepy Uncle’s Or The Voice Of A Guy Who Asks You If You Have Seen
\nHis Dog While Driving Around School Bus Stops In His Dirty Geo
\nMetro.” Because, that’s really what his voice sounds like. I
\ncouldn’t clear it from my mind before bed, and I had to listen to
\nthe Dixie Chicks before I fell asleep so I could be ensured safe,
\nhappy, Tim Keyes-free dreams.<\/p>\n
I’ll be the first to say I have eclectic music taste. Look at my
\nKazaa playlist, and you will find The Ataris, followed by Rod
\nStewart, followed by Bob Dylan, after George Strait. Every single
\nday, everywhere I go, I find a new song or artist that I like. My
\npoint is, I do not discriminate based on age of performer, genre of
\ntheir music, or sometimes even how talented the musician. And yet I
\nabsolutely found nothing even remotely appealing about Tim Keyes’
\nmusic. Granted, I have never heard any of his previous work, and
\nsometimes being understandably narrow-minded, I vow never to
\nsubject myself to the older forms of torture produced by this man.
\nIn the end, I am confident that I can categorize this slop as “weak
\nsong-writing meets a thrift-store keyboard and an old Macintosh
\ncomputer, plus a freakishly disturbing, but somehow alright,
\nvoice.”<\/p>\n
I’m telling you, do not waste your time on this because you will
\nbe bored, flabbergasted, or, in some cases, disgusted. Even my dad
\ndidn’t like it.<\/p>\n
* If I didn’t feel so overcome with remorse whenever I attempt
\nto give an “F”, this album would have that.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":36,"featured_media":26405,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"tags":[],"artist":[6870],"rating":[11206],"class_list":["post-37637","review","type-review","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","artist-tim-keyes","rating-rating-d-minus-2"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailyvault.adishjain.in\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/review\/37637","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailyvault.adishjain.in\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/review"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailyvault.adishjain.in\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/review"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailyvault.adishjain.in\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/36"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailyvault.adishjain.in\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=37637"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/dailyvault.adishjain.in\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/review\/37637\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailyvault.adishjain.in\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/26405"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dailyvault.adishjain.in\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=37637"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailyvault.adishjain.in\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=37637"},{"taxonomy":"artist","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailyvault.adishjain.in\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/artist?post=37637"},{"taxonomy":"rating","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dailyvault.adishjain.in\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/rating?post=37637"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}