Memo to Don Argott: You still haven’t learned, have you?
When I reviewed
Pornosonic: Unreleased 70s Porno Music some time ago, one of
the few complaints I had about the disc was that the music sounded
far too clean to have been pulled from the dusty reels hidden in
someone’s basement behind the stewed tomatoes. The music needed a
real layer of grit to it, even if the songs were recorded in the
correct style (and those in the know got the joke behind the
project).
Now, Argott and his crew return, bearing Pornosonic almost as a
band name.
Cream Streets claims to be the soundtrack to an unreleased
movie, almost guaranteeing that someone with a mind sicker than
mine (and with more extra spending money) will undoubtedly try to
shoot a film around this music. (Another memo to Argott: Can I be
in on the action? If that little shit from
The Toy can get parallel in a real porno, why can’t I? Oh,
yeah, that’s right… I’m married.)
It’s a bold project that Argott undertakes – and he doesn’t
quite succeed this time.
Problem number one is quite simple, having seen a pornographic
movie or two in my college days: These kind of films should never,
ever,
ever
have a plot. Granted, most of the music on
Cream Streets would probably be used for the, aah, “action”
scenes, but Argott almost tries too hard to let the listener know
what’s going on in the imaginary film by the song titles.
Problem number two: Remember that layer of sonic grit I referred
to in this review?
Cream Streets is lacking it. So, while you have songs like
“Dick Goes Down,” “Peach Pie” and “Deep Inside Peach” (anyone wanna
bet I could never review this disc if I wrote for the
Chicago Tribune just ’cause of the titles?) that sound like
they could legitimately be pulled from a vintage ’70s skin flick,
they sound… well, too 2001. The recording is pristine, even with
vintage instruments being used. It lacks believability on that end,
just because it sounds so clean.
Problem number three: Argott actually gets a little
too cute on
Cream Streets, coming up (cripes, the things that could be
taken out of context in a review like this) with a ficticious
trailer for the movie. I hate to say this, but “Cream Streets
Trailer” sounds more like something that could come from a
“blaxploitation” movie from that era. I remember once hearing as a
child a promo for a movie called
A Hero Ain’t Nothin’ But A Sandwich, and this track reminded
me of that. I never thought I’d say this, but… bring back Ron
Jeremy to do some of the voice-overs. If any album actually called
for his expertise, this would be the one.
It’s not that Argott and crew failed on
Cream Streets, but it does sound like he’s trying a little
too hard to re-create the magic that was the original
Pornosonic disc. There’s no doubt that Argott can pull it
off; musically, he knows the style of ’70s mattress-rockin’ funk
and has the style down perfectly.
Cream Streets is a satisfactory, if slightly disappointing,
follow-up.
